Can't stop plucking own hair

Feeling nervous at the moment. Cannot stop using my fingers to find that odd hair (curly, frizzy) out, and plucking them out. At one point my sister spotted a bald spot the size of ten cents coin, and I knew I had to stop. And I did, for a while. But I started plucking again recently. Bad bad habit I had since 12. One time I was in one of my many plucking frenzies, my dad told me that it's supposed to affect your eyesight as everytime you pluck a hair out, it affects your eye nerves or something. Am not sure how true that statement is, but I'm shortsighted now (225 on left eye, 440 on right eye).

I googled this weird hair plucking habit I have, and apparently it is an obsessive compulsive type disorder called Trichotillomania. Great, another to add to the why-i-am-a-psycho list.

The good news is at least its treatable. Bad news is that it is a chronic problem that is difficult to be treated and that means lotsa $ involved.

Best option is to go bald right? Must resist, must resist, don't pluck.... maybe can bite nails instead...

p/s: At least I know I'm not at the chronic stage cos I'm not feeling shame and guilt and other emotions normally associated with chronic trich.

September 28, 2007

Today is a very significant day for me. Today marks the start of a new phase in my life. :)

It's a whole new journey. Time for an emo haircut?

Making informed decision.

My dad doesn't read the uncensored news on the Internet. Will he be able to make informed decision when he has to make that pangkah at the upcoming election? My mom doesn't even use the computer. Neither does the huge Lim network of aunties and uncles.

Now I'm worried.

1000 Lawyer March in Malaysia

Thursday, September 26, over a thousand lawyers in Malaysia marched peacefully to Putrajaya to submit a memo to Pak Lah, requesting for establishment of a Royal Commission of Inquiry to investigate the recent controversy related to the judiciary body in Malaysia.



Source of photo:- Malaysia-Today

What a brilliant show of teamwork, what a brilliant show of 'they can't bring us down if we stand as one'. I am so proud to see that lawyers of every race were there to make a stand.

Why don't we see more of this in our country? Simple, it doesn't affect our ricebowl, and us Chinese are simply too money minded to care if our country is going down the drain. We don't care, as long as our income is not affected.

Same scenario, distributors of a multi national company are bullied to hold stocks close to 2 months long. Distributors complain, distributors borrow more money to hold stocks, distributors complain. But distributors don't realise that they can work as a team, and tell the MNC to fly kite.

恩人

Dr. Eric Berne said, "We are born princes and the civilising process turns us into frogs".


今天你说我是你的恩人，
你会是我的恩人吧?
谢谢你让我感觉你的爱.

Hugs.

Cleaning out your closet.

"I said I'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you cry, but tonight I'm cleaning out my closet- Eminem"

To clear out your closet for space clearing, do the below:-

1. Open wardrobe.
2. Remove every piece of garment you have inside, piece by piece.
3. Sort them into 5 batches, want, want-but-need-fixing, return-to-rightful-owner, donate-or-give-away, throw.
   
4. Bag all the outdated clothes and chuck them outside for your local municipal garbage collector. Alternatively, you can donate them to charity, or for recycling.
5. Close your wardrobe door.
6. Repeat step every 5 years.
   

And the composition of the 5 batches after my space clearing ritual:-

• Want - 50%
• Want-but-need-fixing - 20%
• Return-to-rightful-owner - 20%
• Donate give away - 9%
• Throw - 1%

Analysis:-

1. I'm a hoarder.
2. I steal clothes.
3. I'm a lazy bugger who lets her clothes slowly rot out of fashion.
4. I can't throw my clothes away, no matter how old they are.
   
5. I'm a hoarder.
   

Oh well, at least I managed to make 30% space for new clothes.

Independence

If you want people to help you, you gotta let them do so.

/uninstall old programme

/install new mentality

Why the Malaysian MyKad is useless.

Few years ago I decided to embed my driving license into my Malaysian identity card, MyKad. I thought, "Hey, this will be convenient, no longer will I have carry another card around with me."

So I went to renew my MyKad, and I told the kind lady to insert details of my driving license into MyKad. She took both my driving license, and MyKad, did the necessary punching into her sophisticated desktop, and returned the MyKad to me.

I left the Putrajaya National Registration Office with a combination of pride (that I'm one of the people who utilised the 'smart' function of MyKad), and relief (from now on, all I need is one card, MyKad).

Fast forward few years, few weeks ago I suddenly remembered that my driving license expires in 2007. The problem is, I do not know when exactly it expires, because now I have a 'virtual driving license', and I don't have anyway to tell, unless I have a MyKad reader. Come to think about it, I don't even know whether a MyKad reader can do that. So I went to the JPJ website, and to my relief and despair, I found out that I could check the expiry date of my Malaysian driving license online, and that my driving license has expired in January 2007.

What the hey. Do they expect people to remember the dates without any concrete dates anywhere? I know, I could have jotted it down somewhere, but.... urg!!

Anyhow, I went to the JPJ office in PJ to renew my driving license, and was told that although my driving license is now embedded into my MyKad, it is still necessary for me to have the PHYSICAL DRIVING LICENSE for renewal purposes. I told the guy at the JPJ counter, "Bang, orang tu tak bagi balik lah".

His reply to me,"Macam mana dia tak bagi balik. Kalau macam tu, sekarang cik kena bayar RM20 sebagai bayaran hilang lesen.".

First thought is, wtf, I didn't lose the license, the woman did not give it back to me when I embedded the damn thing, why should I pay for it.

But being a Malaysian, I just accepted that I needed to pay for it, and just took out my 20 bucks from my wallet.

Then suddenly...

Man at counter: Cik juga kena bawak gambar baru ya, untuk dapatkan lesen yang baru.

Ni yang aku mengamuk ni...

WTF!!! The hassle!!!! Now I'm angry! You want me to pay, fine! The mechanical movement involved is just me taking out my wallet, and removing the money out. NOW YOU WANT ME TO PUT ON MY MAKEUP, WASH MY HAIR, DRIVE DOWN TO A PHOTO SHOP, TAKE A PHOTO, PAY MONEY TO THE GUY, COLLECT THE PHOTO, AND DRIVE BACK TO JPJ TO RENEW MY BLOODY LICENSE? And it's not even my fault!

Crap man. I was really angry, and I really didn't understand what's the point of embedding the driving license in our 'smart' MyKad when you still need the physical license after that. There's seriously some coordination issue between our National Registration Center and JPJ. What a waste of resources. What a waste of a smartcard. What a waste of our effort to embed our driving license in. What a waste of those JPJ staff embedding the driving license into our MyKads. What a waste of taxpayers money.

Well, in the end, being brought up the way we did in Malaysia, I did what was necessary (took photo, paid lesen hilang fine), and finally got my license renewed. What to do. Takkan complain complain meh. Like anyone's gonna take any bloody action.

Ok now this post is not fully negative. I must say that the service in JPJ PJ office is fast. I got my driving license renewed in less than 10 minutes, including the time spent filling forms. Well, at least not all is bad.

But back to the topic, is there any use for the so called 'smartcard' that is our MyKad? What's so smart about it when you cannot do anything with it?

Reminiscing Terengganu, Part 1

I used to travel to Terengganu at least once a week. Terengganu is a nice place to settle down at. Courteous and friendly people, the awesome Nasi Dagang, the beaches and islands nearby...

Hotel Primula is the best place to stay at in Kuala Terengganu. I love that they have wifi there, although it is some TM Hotspot thingy... (translation: have to pay). The coffee lounge has great ambiance. Nice little cozy corner, set lower than the reception area, and higher than the pool and seaside.

Cozy huh. This used to be where I hang out while waiting for my flight back to KL. From time to time the Boss and I would have our meetings here too. I will smoke my cigarettes, and he will smoke his cigars from Langkawi, while we go through our notes.

I also remember Rosli and Nasir, the two kind colleagues from Kelantan. Very helpful, and very gentle. Kelantanese are really gentle people, aren't they? Up till today, they still send me text messages to 'tanya khabar'. :) I miss eating nasi with sambal belacan with them.

The best sambal belacan can be found at the cafeteria in Pejabat Tanah Dungun. The bomb.

My pledges - Sept 2007

It is said that your mind is the strongest tool to make your reality. Here is my pledge.

I will get well soon.
I will stop being afraid of being in the crowd.
I will stop being fearful of socialising with people.
I will control my fear, and not let my fear control me.
I will let go of my excess baggages.
I will appreciate the people who are there for me.
I will not be afraid of people's expectations on me.
I will go after what I want.
I will not waste anymore time.
I will not be afraid of meeting people.
I will make sure there is closure.
I will be well again soon, but I will give myself time to heal.

Letting go of baggage.

Dear Diary,

I know it is not time to be reflecting on the year that is 2007, but I feel that it is necessary for me to understand what happened, let it all out, and then let it go.

In the beginning of the year, I was assigned to an important task. I was proud that people thought I was capable of achieving such, and it felt good to be part of the 'team'. Fast forward a little bit, it was time for me to do what I was assigned to do. I was not happy with the way I was 'instructed' to do my task. I was not happy with how I was given multiple different instructions on how to do my task. I was not happy at how some people seem to be biased in their judgement of people and their performances. Sometimes it felt as if all that I do is in vain.

At one point I didn't understand why I even agreed to do the stuff. There are just too much stress involved, and bear in mind that this is done over my own sweet 'unpaid' time. Of course, I knew from the very beginning that it is purely voluntary, but please do understand that not everybody is as committed to the cause that you are fighting for. Some people have different priorities, like their family, their hobbies, their job. And the thing is, I don't even mind doing the extras. I love going the extra mile.

But what killed me the most was the way you dealt with me. I'm sorry, I am not aware of how you deal with the other people, so I shall reserve my comments on that. Please do know that if you ask me to do something, you do not turn around and ask someone else to do it, especially when you haven't even told me to stop. I have spent a lot of time doing the stuff that you want to ask other people to do.

It is also very pathetic to see the superficial way you deal with people, when you feel that they may be of use to you. It is really sad, because I fell for it. I, the stupid fool, fell for it.

You do not appreciate what you have. You do not appreciate people. You do not appreciate the things that people have done for you. You simply discard them, when they are no longer useful to you.

But law of karma says what goes around comes around. I will not hope it on you, I am not that cold. After all, we were once friends.


I wish you luck. And with this, I let go of this baggage.

Winners of Emmy Awards 2007

I am not proud to admit that out of the entire list, only "The Amazing Race' is familiar. I'm such a noob for not watching tv.

Well, check out the list of latest Emmy Awards winners anyways.


Source: MSN TV.com

Winners at Sunday's 59th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards presented by the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences:

Drama Series: "The Sopranos," HBO.

Comedy Series: "30 Rock," NBC.

Miniseries: "Broken Trail," AMC.

Variety, Music or Comedy Series: "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart," Comedy Central.

Variety, Music or Comedy Special: "Tony Bennett: An American Classic," NBC.

Made-for-TV Movie: "Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee," HBO.

Reality-Competition Program: "The Amazing Race," CBS.

Creative Achievement in Interactive TV: Current.

Actor, Drama Series: James Spader, "Boston Legal," ABC.

Actor, Comedy Series: Ricky Gervais, "Extras," HBO.

Actor, Miniseries or Movie: Robert Duvall, "Broken Trail," AMC.

Actress, Drama Series: Sally Field, "Brothers & Sisters," ABC.

Actress, Comedy Series: America Ferrera, "Ugly Betty," ABC.

Actress, Miniseries or Movie: Helen Mirren, "Prime Suspect: The Final Act (Masterpiece Theatre)," PBS.

Supporting Actor, Drama Series: Terry O'Quinn, "Lost," ABC.

Supporting Actor, Comedy Series: Jeremy Piven, "Entourage," HBO.

Supporting Actor, Miniseries or Movie: Thomas Haden Church, "Broken Trail," AMC.

Supporting Actress, Drama Series: Katherine Heigl, "Grey's Anatomy," ABC.

Supporting Actress, Comedy Series: Jaime Pressly, "My Name Is Earl," NBC.

Supporting Actress, Miniseries or Movie: Judy Davis, "The Starter Wife," USA.

Individual Performance, Variety or Music Program: Tony Bennett, "Tony Bennett: An American Classic," NBC.

Directing, Drama Series: "The Sopranos: Kennedy and Heidi," HBO.

Directing, Comedy Series: "Ugly Betty: Pilot," ABC.

Directing, Miniseries, Movie or Dramatic Special: "Prime Suspect: The Final Act (Masterpiece Theatre)," PBS.

Directing, Variety, Music or Comedy Program: "Tony Bennett: An American Classic," NBC.

Writing for a Drama Series: "The Sopranos: Made in America," HBO.

Writing, Comedy Series: "The Office: Gay Witch Hunt," NBC.

Writing, Miniseries, Movie or Dramatic Special: "Prime Suspect: The Final Act," PBS.

Writing for a Variety, Music or Comedy Program: Late Night With Conan O'Brien," NBC.

More News and Gossip

Helen Mirren Adds Emmy to Awards List Helen Mirren Wins Emmy Award for `Prime Suspect'

Gorgeous Sanjaya Malakar - American Idol 6.

Late evening last night, I googled for a version of Besame Mucho as I felt like listening to the song. I found one done by an American Idol Season 6 contestant, Sanjaya Malakar. I read the comments first while waiting for the song to load. Truth be told, although the comments were fantastic, I thought that his voice were only so-so. Not a very mature voice, the nasty Simon Cowell commented that Sanjaya sang like a 14 year old (Sanjaya is 17).

Here's the video. I thought JLo was overdoing it. har har




Sanjaya is a shy little 17 year old boy, as is obvious in the video, but attractive in a romantic manner as well. Don't get it? Watch the video again.

Here's a video of the Sanjaya anthem, a video done by fans of Sanjaya Malakar to gather support for the gorgeous boy with gorgeous curls.



Sanjaya got eliminated, but it's okay. America + Cass still think he's a hottie.

Loss of appetite

I've lost my appetite. For the past 10-15 years, I will follow up my dinner with snacks. It doesn't matter what snacks. Could be some biscuits, could be chocolates, sweets, crackers, ice cream.

I actually eat a lot of rice for someone my size. Chinese would call me 'fan tong', or literally translated into rice bucket, a bucket full of rice. I can't go a day without rice, or some sort of carbo, maybe bread or noodles.

Few days ago, I noticed that I couldn't finish my rice. I shrugged it off, thinking that it's just a one time thing. But it has now happened consistently for a few days. I don't even reach out for my snacks.

Mom bought my favourite dimsum, harkao and siumai. But I just did not have the appetite.

A guy asked me whether I was on anything. I told him I'm clean. So what's the problem? Help!!!!!

Dame Anita Roddick, RIP.

Doing my usual bloghop today, I was shocked to read that the founder of The Body Shop, Dame Anita Roddick has passed away.

Kim and Tine wrote about it here. When I first found out, my first reaction was, of course, rest in peace. And then I remembered a post that I wrote less than two years ago in 2005. This was the time when there were wide spread news on the founder of Body Shop giving away her entire 51 million pound fortune.

An extract of the news (can't remember which source):-

Dame Anita Roddick, the founder of The Body Shop and one of the UK's best-known businesswomen, has decided to turn her back on the world of commerce and give away her £51m fortune.

She said: "I am going to start giving it away. I hope that before I die there will be a financial foundation. All my wealth is in the shares. My intention is to give my money away.
"I don't want to die rich. Money does not mean anything to me. The worst thing is greed - the accumulation of money. I don't know why people who are extraordinarily wealthy are not more generous."

And of course, when people started pounding her door for money, this was her reply to the world:-

I’d like to set the record straight, as I have been inundated with requests for support from all around the world this week, in light of the recent press about me giving my money away. I will be giving my money away – that’s a fact – but not at the moment. I’ve always said that I don’t want to die rich - it’s mentioned in my book ’Business As Unusual’ – first published in 2000.

Please give me a break – I’m not dead yet!

Ok, I know this may not seem very appropriate at the moment, but will she be giving her money away now that she's no longer around? Who will be the lucky, lucky receipient, if what she said is true?

If I haven't mistaken, the late Dame Anita Roddick left behind two daughters. Will they get part of the 51 million pound (2005 figure)?

Just curious.

Need sleep..

I have tried many remedies for insomnia, but none seem to be working. Mood is greatly affected. Sleeping pills seem to have no effect. I need my sleep. I really need my sleep.

A person without sleep can never be sane.

That's what friends are for.

This is the Champion's Medal for the Inter Accounting Firm Games 2007 Pool event.




Tonight's the finale. The IAFG dinner. All the trainings and hardwork put in by so many people. Tonight is the night to celebrate the victory.

It is at the lowest point in your life that you find out who are the people who will stand by you, and the people who will leave you.

Thank you, know it's over, but I still need to get it off my chest, or it will stay with me forever. You need to listen.